Here I am. 58 years old and no dreams or goals. I’m not sure how this happened. I’ve always known what I wanted to do with my life.
As a child, I grew up in a dysfunctional home. I KNEW I had to go to college to break the cycle of poverty and hopelessness. I did. I attended two years at Indiana State University to be a band director. Music was the only thing I was really good at, or so I thought. I found out once I got there that I wasn’t so amazing. Rude awakening. After my sophomore year, I decided to get married. The love of my life, the man I had been crazy about since I was 14, asked me to marry him after a year of dating. I said yes. I KNEW that was what I wanted to do. I took a short break from school. Then a few years down the road, I decided to go back to college and finish my teaching degree by majoring in elementary education. I KNEW that was what I wanted to do. While I was still taking classes, we were expecting our first child. I KNEW that was what I wanted to do. A few years later, we had our second child. I KNEW that was what I wanted to do. After our second child was born, I decided to be a stay-at-home mom and homeschool. I KNEW that was what I wanted to do. When the girls got older, they went to public school. I took a job as an assistant at their school so I would have the same schedule as them. I KNEW that was what I wanted to do. Later, I took a teaching position at a nearby school. I KNEW that was what I wanted to do. About 8 years into that job, I felt a nudge from the Lord to leave teaching. I ignored it. I loved my paycheck too much. I loved the idea that I was a teacher, my girls bragged about it to their friends. Year 9 I had symptoms of lymphoma. I KNEW I wanted to leave, but I didn’t. Year 10, the anxiety and stress took a toll. I started losing my hair. I KNEW I HAD to leave. I took FMLA around Valentine’s Day and resigned June 1. I KNEW that was what I wanted to do. I spent the next year resting, recovering, and going to doctors. I KNEW that was what I wanted to do. Then I took a part-time hybrid job. It suited me fine. It allowed me to rest when I needed to. Then about a year later, it didn’t fulfill me. There was no challenge and I didn’t work enough hours in the week.
Here I am. 58 years old and bored with the job. What now? I’m not depressed. I take “happy pills” for that. I. Feel. Lost. For the first time in my life, I have NO idea what I want to do. I’ve started seeing a mental health counselor twice a month to help me sort through it all. She asked me to start journaling.
I’ve tried learning about different careers. I would dabble in it just enough to know if I liked it or not. Nothing really ever “spoke” to me. I took an introductory course to Instructional Design. I didn’t like it. I started my own Teachers Pay Teachers store, but never created anything for it. I learned how to create things in Canva but got bored with that as well. I looked at job descriptions for Corporate Trainer and HR positions. Those descriptions sounded as stressful as teaching. What now? I. Feel. Stuck.
Ta-da! That was a few months ago. Now, I work at a local university as the Educational Resource Coordinator/Accessibility consultant. This job requires a lot of Ed tech stuff. If you would have told me when I left teaching elementary school that I would become the accessibility expert at a local university, I would have been rolling on the floor laughing; ask any of my colleagues. They would have told you NO WAY! I was the weak link on the third-grade team. Maybe the weakest link in the entire school! This job had to be a God thing! That’s what I was looking for…a job only God would send my way. Here I am rockin’ it!
Here we go again, sort of.
I’m bored with my job. It started out so well. I learned all kinds of new things. But now, it doesn’t fulfill me. I’ll keep the job for a while at least. I’ve started actively looking for something else. I’m not sure that I will ever find anything that I actually like. Is there anyone that really likes their job, even perhaps…love it? Let me know what you do and why it’s so amazing!
Signed, Restless and Bored
Be sure to sign up for my latest updates by sending me your email address. Don’t forget to leave me a comment or question. I’d love to connect with you.